For God & Country

Pilot, over at Pilot's World, a blog not affiliated with pilots, mentioned in his latest blog post about the sorry state of the world we live in. Since then, Israel has attacked Iran, more protests have gone on in the USA and things just seem to keep spiraling. And with random attacks from both citizens and terrorists, I think it's time to get serious and give everyone some tips for defending your house.

As someone who has watched the first two Home Alone movies multiple times, the latest of which was this past Christmas, I think I am qualified to give this advice. So, here is a list of the top (insert number) ways to defend your home.

1. Put dog slobber all over the outside doorknobs - Nobody wants to touch that, but you're already used to it!
2. Don't tidy the house - Hard for them to invade when they are tripping over piles of clothes and children's toys!
3. Remove all external openings - How do they even get in if there are no doors and windows?
4. Become one of the house invaders - protect your stuff by becoming the house invasion house picker.
5. Write jokes on every surface - They forget to destroy stuff if they are constantly laughing. This might also prevent them invading the next house.
6. Cold stairs - You know that scene where McCauley Culkin ices the stairs in front of his house? If it's winter, you can do that inside by turning off the heat.
7. Hot stairs - In the summer, turn up the heat in your house so it's too hot for them to want to go inside, let alone climb stairs.
8. No house, no problem! - If you burn your house to a pile of ash, they can't invade it!

Really, all of this is about planning ahead. If you have some time you can prepare for anything.

Although, if I'm to be honest, #7 could actually be a decent one to make any rioters decide to just skip it. Just turn the heat up and hide in a room with the window open. Not that rioters go for houses much. Usually it's the businesses. Or the capital building.