Dolla' Dolla Cash

These days there is a lot around about having a cheaper lifestyle. With the economy what it is you always need to save a bit of money.

The three R's are always a good start. Maybe you can use that glass jar to hold tiny screws. Or maybe you can use that glass jar to hold big screws. Heck, you could even use that glass jar to hold medium screws! All those ideas are free for the taking, by the way.

But, there are so many more ideas out there that I think we are missing. So, today I've decided to list off some ideas for everyone in hopes of making the world a better place.

• Butter: That foil wrapper around butter can be used for another block of butter if you are careful not to tear or crumple it. That's a penny or two saved on each stick!
• Save on energy by not cooking your chicken! Just eat it raw. You'll be fine once the salmonella passes. This works for other cookables as well.
• Here's one suggested by regular reader, Pilot, about 15 years ago and he probably doesn't even remember it: Re-dusting your guitar picks. After the new pick dust comes off, they can still be used! Just grind up another pick and then roll that pick in there.
• Lick your plate clean! That's calories you can be using. Even lick others plates. You could go to a bar and lick all the plates and not even have to buy a meal.
• Do not, under any circumstances, flush your toilet. The more you pee, the more that will get flushed through naturally. This will save on your water bill.
• Dehydrate yourself. Again, an easy way to save on water.
• Break into your neighbors house and steal their toilet paper.
• Don't. fucking. move. The less you move, the less calories you burn and the less food you need to eat.
• Recapture all your dead skin cells and use them as fertilizer. Don't miss any!
• Cancel any and all insurance. Odds are that you'll be fine.
• Pick the winning lottery number.
• Remove any metal fillings or other metal components in your body and sell them as scrap.
• Need your appendix removed? DIY surgery is a sure way to save cash!
• Trying to start a business? Save money stealing a logo from a big brand, like Walmart. They have enough money already.
• Pillage! It worked for the Vikings.
• Avoid stepping on any cracks. Fixing your mothers broken back is costly.
• Mortgage payments getting you down? Don't pay them and go hide in the woods to the north where you befriend a deer. He becomes your closest confidant and you love him like a child until he is killed by a hunter. You then hunt the hunter and steal his identity, using his money instead of yours.
• Buy no-name groceries instead of brand stuff.
• Die and don't have a funeral. Super cheap!

Follow all of these and you'll be as respected as Donald Trump in no time!