Oh Me Oh My....

With the recent freeze/thaw cycles, it can really become a death trap out there. Walked out of the office yesterday and nearly died on some ice right outside the door. Five feet from the salt. That everyone else walked by. Sigh.

But, as my life flashed before my eyes and I was reminded about all those times I saved humanity, I thought to myself, how do I want to die? Obviously, in your sleep is best so you don't see it coming, but if you have to, how?

Something like drowning or burning or anything that causes pain or suffering like that is a no go. I don't want to have to think about it. No, doing it having fun is the way to go. Many would say death by snu-snu or something like that. But, I want to go out doing something I used to do but can't anymore.

Eating a full bag of chips? No. multiple double gulps in a day? No. Staying up all night playing laser tag? Maybe, but probably not. Oooooo! I got it!

Mosh Pit.

With my age and physical condition it would take me all of five minutes to just keel over and die. Then my corpse would be trampled by some jumping emos. Rock on. Going out to the sounds of your eardrums bursting. Hell ya. No time to think about death, just pushing the next guy.

And I'd want the band to lean into it. I know there are people who have died in mosh pits before, whether from heart attacks or incidents, but there are always sad cases. This would be more of a euthanasia thing. Celebrate it! Mosh harder! Make it so when the casket is open at my funeral, all they see is a flesh sack filled with soup and swathed in my clothing. Rock on.

They won't even need to dig the grave as I slowly leak out the bottom of the casket and into the ground, deeper and deeper. The flowers that bloom in the locations where I have dripped will be blood red, their sap as black as night and they will smell of freshly cut grass in the rain. Mmmmmmmm.

Or they'll toss me in a pot and I'll be served at every mass, just like Jesus, but in a more weird and uncomfortable way. And thus my memory will live on forever.

I bet you're wishing I had skipped today for the blog, aren't you? Well too freakin' bad! It's my blog and if I want to spout gibberish to the masses, I will!

Anyone else hungry now?