Terror from the Text

We've all heard about the recent text leak from the leaders of the United States of America. It is stupid as all fuck event and showcases the immense stupidity and complete uncaring nature of the current American political system. How these "people" are able to get away with what they have been is abso---hold on.

I just got a text. From the Honourable Bill Blair. Mark Carney and a few other are in it.

Oh....

Oh no...

This can't.....

Ok, this has to go public. I'm going to retype it here.

--Bill Blair has accidentally added you to the chat--

Bill Blair, Minister of National Defense (BB): Anita, is the Moose ready?

Anita Anand, Minister of Innovation, Science and Industry (AA): I've been told it will be ready by the first of the month. The electric antlers are causing some delays. Something about the system being too small for a Moose of that size.

Melanie Joly, Minister of Foreign Affairs and Internal Development (MJ): No surprise. That Moose was fucking huge!

BB: Your not kidding. the bigger the beater though.

BB: *better

Mark Carney, Prime Minister (MC): *You're

BB: Fuck off, Marky Mark. 😜

Patty Hajdu, Minister of Indigenous Services (PH): My people have the saddles ready. Have your people call my people when the Moose is ready and they can get it ready for the attack.

AA: Roger Dodger.

Francois-Phillipe Champagne, Minister of Finance (FC): This better be worth it, you English dogs. We are spending a lot of Canadian pesos on this.

BB: You've mentioned. But unless you can find a place that has more gold than the Vatican, then the attack continues on April 5th at 2:04pm. It should be wrapped up in time for some Pils at 5.

MC: Lol. or we can drink something better. Fucking Pilsner.

PH: Here, here!

MJ: here, here!

FC: Oh, yeah. that's all we need is you getting a few more Pilsners in your stomach, Blair. We already lost one Prime Minister, lets not loose another because of your Pilsner love!

BB: Fuck you.

MC: Hey, come on guys! This is a chat for talking about our attack on the Vatican, not a place to throw rocks in a glass house.

Andrew Pilon, Hillbilly Shmoe: What's the Mooses name?

AA: Burgundy Thunderthighs.

AP: Solid.

MC: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

MJ: Blair you fucking idiot.

BB: Ah fiddlesticks. I've dun messed up again.

--Mark Carney has unceremoniously booted you out of the chat--

--How was your chat quality? Text back 1-5 for the quality so we can improve your future experience--

AP: 1-5

--Thank You. Dumbass.--

Well. Not what I was expecting to happen in my day. All that said though, seems like a solid plan. I mean, the Vatican has barely done any work for all that gold they have. And they hardly have a standing army to defend themselves, if you ignore the rest of the countries in the world that will come to their aid. I guess the whole thing hinges on Burgundy. Can they get the job done?

I sure hope so.