Snake Oil

Did I ever mention that I listen to history podcast and watch history videos on the YouTube? A dozen times already? Well, I'm going to talk about it again.

I've recently got into a podcast call Behind the Bastards in which the host talks about a historical or present bastard. From Hitler to Lafayette Ron Hubbard to FBI agents that fuck up investigations into the Olympic bombings and the Anthrax scare. Each episode is an hour and they go from one to five episodes for a person so you get to hear a lot about them.

Some of them are really bad. One cult leader he made the comment of "Yeah, it's very much Jeffery Epstein stuff but Epstein wasn't nearly as bad." and yeah. It was a rough fucking episode.

Some are people doing a job, like the FBI agents, but some people are selling a product. Cult leaders selling peace of mind, Steven Seagal selling a personality, Dr. Oz selling whatever bullshit.

The Dr. Oz one caught my ear real good because A) he's actually known has one of the best heart surgeons in America, which I didn't know and B) despite that he's such a piece of shit for selling cures that don't work and have gotten people hurt.

In our current capitalist world, a snake oil salesman like Dr. Oz can make serious bank, but you have to have so much more charism nowadays in order to escape punishment. A hundred years ago you just moved on to the next town.

Now, obviously back a hundred years ago I wouldn't have the YouTube supported education I have now so I don't know what kind of snake oil I would sell. Probably none. But with my current knowledge I could really rake in the dollars. I could probably make a drink that actually did make you healthier. Here, take some lemon and carrot juice. Done.

I'd have to be careful though. Jon Snow figured out that water wells caused disease cause they got mixed with shit and was persecuted for it. Keep myself behind the scenes. I'll be the supplier of the snake oil and get others to sell it for me. Once it's proven to work, we'll all get rich and I'll be crowded Andrew the Great, King of the New World.

Certain teas and honey can be anti-bacterial so maybe I'll put a little of that in there. I'd say I'll try to make an energy drink like Red Bull but they put Cocaine in everything so I don't think I could improve on that.

Maybe I could just make a liquid to pour on wounds to make sure they heal and don't get infected. Pour it on five or six times a day. Turns out it's just water and I'm helping keep the wound clean. My expired First Aid knowledge could kick any 1800's era doctors ass.

What snake oil would you sell?